Last evening on my segment, Get It Together, airing each month on WCAX TV’s The :30 show here in Vermont the topic was all about self love!
Self love gets a really bad rap. Many people feel uncomfortable talking about it- it’s selfish, it’s conceited. It’s really just the opposite. One point I made, and this is my belief, is that if you are actually concerned that you could love yourself too much, be selfish or egotistical then you are precisely the person who will never be that way. In fact, you could probably use some heavy doses of self love. When you see those negative attributes showing up in someone, it is most certainly going to be due to something other than self love.
When you engage consistently in self love (list of some ways below), you will have more energy and better self to offer the rest of your world in all areas.
There is much to be said about the subject of self love, and for the show I boiled it down to a few quick points as a place to start.
1. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Stop beating yourself up for mistakes- both perceived and real. Understand that you are a human being and we all mess up from time to time- you may not always be whatever definition of perfect you have dreamed up for yourself. When you engage in self doubt and should have, could have, would have you are hurting your spirit and will sap your energy. This constant habit leaves you depleted- with less ability to create the life and types of relationships you want.
A great exercise I suggested is to get out a pad of paper and pen and write out everything that you can think of that is good about you, as we very seldom stop to consider those things- we are too busy running the constant ticker tape of our faults and imperfections. This list is just for you. On those days when you are feeling less than self loved, take the list out to remind yourself of your good.
2. Practice extreme self care. My first coaching mentor, Cheryl Richardson, wrote a book on the subject which has had a great influence on me.
Daily habits like:
-being careful who you surround yourself with
-eliminating clutter from your life in all ways
-cultivating a comfortable and restoring home environment
-organizing your finances
-not making commitments out of guild or obligation
-doing work that is meaningful to you
these are all acts of self love.
making fun and pleasure a part of your daily routine like:
-humor and laughter
-taking breaks and real vacations, too
-surrounding yourself with things you love that make you happy
-spending time in nature
-eating in a healthy way
-engaging in healthy hobbies that you are passionate about
are just a few more ways to show yourself the love you deserve. (come up with the ways that feeling loving to you)
3. Learn to be direct in asking for what you want. No more beating around the bush, expecting people to read your mind and then being disappointed when you don’t get it. Ask for and accept help- trying to do everything, control everything and do it alone is definitely not an act of self love. Consider that many times when you feel your needs aren’t being met that you have not made them clear to others or asked for or accepted help. Also, learning to say no confidently instead of saying yes to everything and then resenting it is also a great self love muscle to build. Being there for everyone and everything els robs you of your life. To build a life that represents your values and needs, you have to get used to the idea that some people are just not going to like you, no matter what you do. Stop letting them define you.
Visit my Facebook page to view a few resources on the subject at www.facebook.com/youryearoftransformation